In my womb

Dear Sophie,

Your very first images.

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Dear Sophie, 

I wish I could say that when these images were taken, I was moved beyond worlds... I wasn't. I was curious, at best. Please do not take that against me. I just am not very emotional like that about the good things in life. 

Gifts from Ninang Gail

I love the tutu, I was actually getting ready to get you one, but I wasn't decided on what color (yes anak, we're back to the learn how to value money part). I'm very happy Ninang Gail got you pink because I would've never seen how cute you are in one. I would've gotten either a yellow or a blue one.

You are so ready for your birthday party! Ninang Gail actually got you two, but I haven't been able to take a pic of the other one because it's still a tad too big for you. I'll post an image of it soon though.

I just realized something. We need to make you kikay. I don't want you bland like me. We have to start a collection for you, and I will come up with one soon. Hello Kitty is just too hard to find here, so that's a no-no. We might go Disney Princess but that stops when you hit 15. Elmo is cute but not girly enough.

You see, I think a lot like a boy, and I want to avoid that with you, so I'm hoping that showering you with girly stuff will influence you to be like one.

Things I want you to know

Dear Sophie,

The other night I had a dream about being told by a doctor that I had lung cancer and that I only had a few months to live so just in case it's premonition, here are the things I want you to learn:

1. Try everything with Kindness first. (Kindness and sweetness)
2. Smile. Always have a sweet smile for everyone, be it your friend, a stranger, or an (especially an) enemy.
3. Listen to your lola.
4. Stick with Bea and Sean. No matter what. Blood is thicker than water.
5. Make sure you involve Kuya Mike and Kuya Paolo in every aspect of your life.
6. Save money.
7. Pray a lot.
8. Always talk to your Ninongs and Ninangs. They were chosen for a reason.
9. There are a lot of boys out there. No need to commit to one early on. There's about a million "The Ones" out there, and know that the real one is the one who you will not change for, improve for, cry over and hurt over. The one will be your friend who you will be able to talk to, share your thoughts with.
10. Be kind to your staff. This is hard, especially with our temperament, but I have been praying that you will be compassionate

There's a lot more, most of them I learned the hard way, and I pray everyday you won't be as stubborn as I am.

Night Outs

Dear Sophia,

I don't have much to say today, except that I should really be more diligent in updating this blog. A lot has happened since you started solids - I am happy to report that you are still on pure breast milk. I should take a photo of my "Special Place" at work where I pump for archiving purposes.

We've taken many a picture too, but to date, this is my favorite

I've gone over board on shopping again this month, so I'm going to have to work harder for our savings. I just need a stronger resolve and I'm sure we can do this.

So far, you've been nothing but delightful, and no matter what I tell you in the future, know that I love you very very much, and that you are the one companion I have been waiting for all my life.

I had planned to go out last night, and by planned I mean, really planned.
I set two gimiks
I pumped more than enough milk
I got moms permission (something I haven't done since college)
I actually conditioned my hair
I prepared my outfit

But I couldn't leave you, laughing the way you were yesterday. So slept the whole Saturday night we did. At around 3am I woke up and didn't even bother to check the messages and return the calls. There was no regret staying home. So maybe I've been complaining about not being able to go out just because I thought I was all about gimiks and control, but when it comes down to what I really want, it's really just to be with you.

My life has changed so much since I had you, and I had been complaining about that. But really, my life was one big nothingness then, it wasn't even a mess. It was just nothing. No direction, no care, no nothing, and now, there's something there. I will make sure though, that I am not all about you. Difficult, especially now, but at some point, I'll be about me too.

I woke up at 3 Saturday night to your wails *I didn't pick up your usual signs of hunger fast enough so you had to bawl to get my attention* after you've been fed and changed, we played for about an half an hour, and we just laughed and I hope I got a video of that, but I didn't because I know that would change the mood. SO I hope I could save that memory in my head forever.

4 Months

Dear Sophie,

You're 4 months old today, and, as usual, I didn't remember until late in the afternoon when your nanny mentioned it. So, sorry. I will make up for it on your real birthdays.

Last week was hell week for me, so my milk production suffered. By Wednesday we were on a one bottle a night output. In the morning I was pumping every two hours with really small output and on Sunday I decided to take you to your 4th month check up early to get Dr. Yatcos formula recommendation.

At the clinic we did get the recommendation, as well as instructions on solid feeding. and your shots, which I was better prepared for this time. By prepared for I mean I did not cry with you.

After the trip to the doctor, formula name on hand, we went to SM Southmall to get you a few items. Your lola wasn't too happy with my choice of mall but seriously, there is no better option in the south for variety. I looked at bathtubs because you have just about outgrown yours and am still undecided on what to get. I'm just not ready to let you soak in water just yet, and you're not ready to sit on your own.

There wasn't much option, as most involved a similar tub with what we have, or one that required you to be sitting, so we ended up not getting you one just yet.

Anywaay. Solid Food. This actually saved us, because after mom fed you your very first meal (osterized Pinakbet gulay) you slept very soundly and did not wake up to drink milk, so all four milk was intact until I came home Tuesday morning with my 3 bottles from the nights pumping sessions. We are now back in business (again) and I am pumping more religiously. That you almost were mixed fed is a scare I will not relive again.

You seem to be enjoying your new diet, and I am happy to report that you are even heavier than most babies 2 months older than you :D

So I must be doing something right, eh?

Today I realized something else, you like to sleep on your side, facing me.

after your shot. You were screaminnnng.

Restocked

weee. We're back in business!

Stuff