Night Outs

Dear Sophia,

I don't have much to say today, except that I should really be more diligent in updating this blog. A lot has happened since you started solids - I am happy to report that you are still on pure breast milk. I should take a photo of my "Special Place" at work where I pump for archiving purposes.

We've taken many a picture too, but to date, this is my favorite

I've gone over board on shopping again this month, so I'm going to have to work harder for our savings. I just need a stronger resolve and I'm sure we can do this.

So far, you've been nothing but delightful, and no matter what I tell you in the future, know that I love you very very much, and that you are the one companion I have been waiting for all my life.

I had planned to go out last night, and by planned I mean, really planned.
I set two gimiks
I pumped more than enough milk
I got moms permission (something I haven't done since college)
I actually conditioned my hair
I prepared my outfit

But I couldn't leave you, laughing the way you were yesterday. So slept the whole Saturday night we did. At around 3am I woke up and didn't even bother to check the messages and return the calls. There was no regret staying home. So maybe I've been complaining about not being able to go out just because I thought I was all about gimiks and control, but when it comes down to what I really want, it's really just to be with you.

My life has changed so much since I had you, and I had been complaining about that. But really, my life was one big nothingness then, it wasn't even a mess. It was just nothing. No direction, no care, no nothing, and now, there's something there. I will make sure though, that I am not all about you. Difficult, especially now, but at some point, I'll be about me too.

I woke up at 3 Saturday night to your wails *I didn't pick up your usual signs of hunger fast enough so you had to bawl to get my attention* after you've been fed and changed, we played for about an half an hour, and we just laughed and I hope I got a video of that, but I didn't because I know that would change the mood. SO I hope I could save that memory in my head forever.