Worries

Dear Sophie,
My operation is a day away, and I am very nervous about this. There was an earthquake yesterday and I worry about one happening while the doctors are operating. What if I die? I am sure you will be ok after missing me for awhile. You will definitely wonder where I've gone. I am not ready to die yet. I am so afraid.
. You are to never meet with your father. I will haunt anyone, my sister included, if they so much as make him see you.

. You are to eventually be with your Ninang Kathy, my cousin. She doesn't know it yet, but she will be a great mother someday.

I am so afraid. But God's Will be done, and I can only ask that it be that I am to live on for years and years more so we can be together.


I am sorry I didn't get to pick the right father for you, and I'm sorry you don't already have one yet. I don't really see the rush, you are too young to understand, and Dad is enough right now. I am hoping I will be given more chance to finding one, and already we've discarded a few candidates for lack of emotions on my part.

I am babbling, but that is because I am very worried. It's like a dark cloud following me everywhere I go.

Have I told you yet today how much I love you?

Operation

Hi Love,

I need to have a cyst on my throat removed, and though this is routine and nothing to be afraid of, I can't help but worry a little. I don't want to die. Though your grandparents will definitely take good care of you, they're old and you need me. Your father is completely out of the picture, though sometimes I think about letting him into our lives.

When I think he has become good enough, responsible enough. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting.

I love you. My heart is overflowing with love and I have nothing but corny words.

You did this today

Updating Sophia Facts

Hospital - July 26

We were on our way to the opening of Ate Joanne's Scramble franchise when you started making gagging sounds and eventually threw up on me. We thought you might have swallowed a bit of make up brush hair. While we were eating the scramble, you threw up again, just a little so we gave you more scramble. In the car on the way back you threw up a lot more and I asked dad to please take us to Asian. When we got there they brought us to a small room that reminded me of an operating room. There you threw up again. At this point I was drenched with ickiness because you were only throwing up on me. I called Ninong Ton to come to our rescue and bring us clothes. 

You were later moved to pediatrics, with 2 other kids with the same symptoms, and when you couldnt keep anything down, the doctor recommended that you be "observed" for the night. Doc Yatco concurred and I made arrangements to get you a room.

Of course you needed an iv.

That is the single most unpleasant thing I had to go through. And that man who tried to put the iv in is the worse person ever. If I thought it would have helped, I would have beaten him up to a bloody pulp. I would have dragged him all the way to the Alabang Market and beat him up in the dirty road. But I knew it wouldn't help so after his first attempt failed, I calmly told him to stop. I refused the iv. He was a moron and turned out you really did not need one.

When we got to the room, you were at first wary of your new surroundings but with in minutes you were happily exploring every corner of the room. Which was possible because you did not have an iv!


Hay you didn't vomit anymore that day, though we were still very careful feeding you.

The next day you were just happily exploring again and the doctor gave you a clean bill of health. They couldn't find anything. Must have just been a stomach flu